The Great Balancing Act

"I need to take an emotional breath, step back, 

and remind myself who's actually in charge of my life."  

-Judith M. Knowlton

When Kobe and Ellie were first born I had this visual image of myself as a tight-rope walker.   I felt as if my life had become a great balancing act-- with the smallest mishap, everything could come crashing down in an instant.  There were days when my house was clean, the laundry was done, dinner was planned, the kids were happy, and things were going as scheduled.  I felt like I was on top of the world but then something would give.  One of the babies would start teething or one would refuse to go down at nap time and that would in turn make the entire family fall to pieces.    

Since Addison was born my perspective has changed a bit.  Instead of trying to hold everything in perfect balance, I have worked hard at letting things go and I am trying (please note the word "trying") to be more flexible.   I have finally come to the realization (and it's so funny when you finally come to those "realizations") that life, especially with this bunch, is anything BUT predictable.   A cold, a sleepless night(s), teething, a broken toy, a burned casserole, a lost shoe, a rainy day--- the list of things that can go wrong is endless.  And the reality is, something will go wrong.  But instead of holding my breath and praying that everything will go smoothly, I have really started to just roll with it.  When one of the kids refuses to go down for a nap, instead of spending the remainder of nap time trying to "get them to go down" I let the dishes sit and take the rare opportunity for some special "one on one time" with that child.   I have come to accept that some days are just plain easier than others --and those days are cause for celebration.   

I think that this philosophy has not only helped me to relax more, but has also helped my children.  Keeping Kobe and Ellie on a very strict schedule when they were newborns was a lifesaver and I would still recommend this to anyone with twins.  I think kids need predictability and structure in order to feel secure and safe.  I am so thankful they are on a good schedule otherwise life with Addie would be really hard to handle.  However, I do think you can get so caught up in schedules that you miss out on some important stuff.  I also wonder about the message that it sends to the kids.  I want my children to be flexible and okay when things in life don't go as planned.  Hyper-scheduling everything is not exactly a great way to teach this value!  

In retrospect, I think my compulsion about schedule and order was (and still is) an attempt to control my very new and unfamiliar hectic life with twins.  Of course, as with any type of situation you try to control, you end up realizing how helpless you really are in the grand scheme of things.  I do like order but these days with so much on my plate, I am trying to really stop and think what is TRULY a priority.